yesterday was weird. i guess i'll rewind the weekend and give you the play by play:
thursday: my lovelies came over and we chilled and drank. it was quite enjoyable. i wish tarra and sam could have stayed longer.. katie scratched her arm and leg on the fence while climbing down from my roof. went to bed sometime friday morning. around 5 i think. angel, katie, patton, bobby, and myself slept inside. jon fell asleep in a lawn chair on my back porch until my neighbor started weed-eating at 8AM and jon got pissed off cause he was doing a shitty job, so he came inside.
*at some point (not sure if it was technically thursday night or friday morning) fireworks went off in my head.. that's the only way to describe what happened*
friday: laid around and hung out with jon and bobby til about 2 when they left. katie and i continued to be lazy and watch dr. phil. we decided we should probably get ready around 4... that evening we went to the pinkeye to see Fighting Tomorrow. hung out with mikey of course before he had to play.. really good show. afterwards, katie and i met jon, bobby, and mike at IHOP. i think i pissed our waiter off. went to jon's after that. we watched mr. show videos on youtube.com while mike and bobby slept. i threw pennies and other small random objects found on jon's floor at bobby.
*more fireworks*
saturday: woke up at like 3:30. katie came over at some point and we went to walmart to get her a glass bottle for chemistry class. later, we headed to josh g's apartment to see his new jeep. on the way to tulsa we threw up the slow, creepy peace sign out the window as we passed people or while we sat at stoplights.. not many people threw it back. kinda sad. at josh's we took some awesome pictures w/ the army penguin and in katie's car. i chugged what was left of the vodka from thursday night. then i bought some girly drinks for me and 2 40s for josh and adam. cash probably thinks i'm crazy.. the 2 times he saw me when he got home and then when he left again, kate and i were taking pictures with the penguin. left josh's and went to the tradewinds to hang out with mikey, jarrod, and charlie from fighting tomorrow and then some of the guys from ethol red. 3 girls were there. 2 were nice. 1 i wanted to beat the shit out of. mikey was super trashed. we left there and went to jon's. i was drunk by this point. hung out there with jon, walker, clay, and bobby.. listened to the boys play guitar, drank some wine, found a freaking MOLE in jon's garage. katie put it in a cup. i poked it. then we let it go.
*fireworks.. more fireworks*
made a mcdonalds run and got some tasty food.. hung out a little more and i think we finally decided to leave around 7.
*FIREWORKS*
sunday: as soon as katie dropped me off at home i changed clothes, washed my face, and put new makeup on then went shopping with my mom for 5 hours (still drunk and tired as FUCK). got some really cute clothes though! got home around 2 and i slept til 5. went to mikey's apartment some time that evening and watched Alive at Red Rocks which was amazing.. came home around 10, went to bed at about 1:30..
back to my original point. other than drunk shopping with my mom at 8AM, the events of yesterday weren't really weird. the things going on in my head, however, were. ((here comes the vagueness. i know no one will understand what i'm talking about.. i've already told you a story so now it's the part where i just talk so i can get this outta my head and hopefully make me feel better))
so i'm not sure if i actually had feelings and they just went away or if i was caught up in the fact that i thought i could eventually have feelings for him. i don't like hurting people, but if somethin isn't working for me or if i just don't see anything happening i gotta tell them. some people say i change my mind too much and i'm starting to wonder if they're right. i was kinda at the point where i had to make a decision. i'm still amazed at the fact that finding everything out was so incredibly unexpected. seriously. you like someone and you think that never in a million years would they like you back, so you don't say anything to anyone and you try to forget it right?? then months after meeting this person whom you've had a crush on since day 1, they tell you they've liked you the whole time. they think you're amazing. and the only thought you can conceive in your head when finding this out is "WHAT....THE....FUCK" cause you don't know anything else to think. yeah it's awesome. so you like him, and he likes you. it's established. now what? you wait? this is the part that has always sucked. i like knowing whats going on, even if its nothing. i just don't like feeling like i'm in the dark. but i'm gonna have to learn that its ok not knowing. i'm happy. he's happy. i'm still kinda freaked out by it all but i'm still really happy. a certain kind of happy that i haven't been in a really long time. ok, that's it. so now i guess i wait.
this is me, waiting.
(thank you to anyone who actually read all of this)
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